This year I turn 40. It's a big one for me. I didn't do well with turning 30, even though my 30's were much better then my 20's. It's just age, I get that. It's still a milestone though, and with every milestone comes contemplation, at least for me. I've been thinking a lot about turning points in my life, and this feels like one of them.Ages that I felt a distinct change were:
13- along with getting my period, mourned the loss of my childhood and started feeling depression.
17- my brain exploded in new ways and I felt like "myself" for the first time in my life.
24- broke up with my boyfriend of six years and lived on my own for the first time ever.
27- felt like "myself" again, grew new confidence and was having a total blast!
30- knew I was getting older for the first time, and that my body would start to change.
33- became pregnant, and had my son.
...and now 39.
All those ages were moments when either my body, or my mind started changing. Times where it felt like a new brain wrinkle of life experience was forming.
In order to prepare for this turning, I have been making some changes. I'm a doer, a problem solver. I had to learn how to heal my inherent intense level of anxiety, to do this I became a doer. It's the only true solution I have found to being a worrier. When a problem arises, I switch gears into problem solving mode: what can I do to help? It's gotten me through many obstacles in my life, as well as empowering me. The 'B' side to this is, is to "accept the things we cannot change" right? If I can't solve it, I accept it. I let it wash over me, knowing there are things I can't change. This is a general watered down version of my approach to life, but it's my foundation. So taking on this milestone of turning 40, I have problem solved the things that I could,like....aging. Here's what I have done:
HEALTH
Got healthy. Started working out daily again. changed up my routine to make it doable in a busy life. Made it fun again. I walk everywhere now, when I can. If there is a choice, I choose to walk. Started eating right. I added green smoothies, and more vegetables and fruits into my diet. Lots of them, all the time. When there is a choice I choose green! I don't eat seconds, or gluten, fast food, soda and stay as far as I can from processed food. With all of these things, I do the best I can daily, to keep to this. When I fail, I start over again. I stopped eating before bed, and just generally tried to change some long formed habits for an ever changing newly 40 year old body. This body is my temple, and it's all I got.
BEAUTY
I also changed some beauty routines up. I got serious about my skin routine. I don't mess around anymore. I don't have the time or the money to get monthly facials right now, so I make sure that I am doing all I can to keep this skin looking fresh. I never miss a face wash. Never. Even when I'm tired, drunk or in a foreign place. It happens, period. I also added lots of oils and moisturizers to the beauty routine. It's all about acne control, exfoliation and moisturizing. All three, all the time. No breaks. I changed some make-up too. I started using a primer which I love, to help keep that makeup from settling into the lines. I also use a lot more moisture rich products instead of powders. When I was younger, it was all about having this very matte, pale face, and now it's all about having a healthy glow. I experiment with what types of make-up best suit my new aging skin. Is a heavy shadowed eye making me look younger or older? Just because it's stylish doesn't mean it will work for me. I try it and see if I look good, then go with it- if not I ditch it. I also watch make up tutorials online. What an amazing tool, for free, at our fingertips! There are so many products out there these days it's amazing. It was never this good before, never this many options. From drug stores to high end department stores, you can basically find a good product for any thing you are looking for, at the cost you can handle.
I also drastically changed my hair. My hair was long, almost to my waist, and black with the front white blond. It was fun and I enjoyed it, but I also knew that black hair made me look older. I knew it before I dyed it, but wanted to have it black again. I changed my hair to an orangey red and cut it short. I immediately lost 10 years off my age, and knew it was the right decision. It helped a lot and on my road to 40 has made it easier to cope with aging.
Amidst all the superficial changes, I have made some internal changes too. My career. My current show I have been working on has come to an end after two years. It was my first show to produce, and it was an intense two year experience. One where I had to let myself fail when needed, acknowledge my faults to get better, and constantly move forward, weather I wanted to or not. I'm very goal oriented and so when I knew this job would be ending, my first instinct was to jump in and find the next thing. Except this time, I didn't want to do that. I wanted to take it easier and see what happened. Seeing what would happen is not my MO. It's not really who I am, and so this alone was a life change. I also decided that I would be taking a month off. A month to be with my family, and be at home and work on my house and my life outside of work. That's also unusual for me. I took a risk with all of this, and told my boss what I wanted. He seemed to think all of this would be just fine, and that he wasn't positive there was work for me, but he was pretty sure there would be work, and he knew he wanted me around. "Pretty sure" is also not something I do. But this time, I would be doing it and would also be OK with it. Not being OK with it meant I shouldn't be wasting my time with this plan at all, so that wasn't an option. The whole fundamental thought behind all of this, was to be OK with it, and somehow I am.
ASPIRATION
Other changes that I have been working on, being my true self- weather it's acceptable or not. Of course this is something I have been working on my whole life, and I don't see it stopping anytime soon, but this year it's been my focus. I don't want to be apologetic anymore for what I am, or what I am not. I want to just accept that I have certain skill sets, certain ways of being and that this is who I am- like it, or not. This is all harder said then done of course, but it's my goal none the less. My personality has always been a dichotomy: I'm a perfectionist, bossy control freak or a too nice, too accepting hippie-which is it? depends on who it is you're talking too, or when you talked to them last. The people that know me the best are the ones that know both sides of me, which includes the third side-sensitive psychic sponge, artist. None of these things match, and none of them should. Again not apologizing. Keep up.
So that's the plan for turning 40. Work in progress. Lets see how it goes...
