When I looked around my weight sculpting class at the gym the other day I realized something: I have become a middle aged woman. I'm no longer the 24 year old party girl. I'm 35 and I have reached that middle aged woman status in my life.
I looked at the other women in the class: All women in their 30's and 40's, (keep in mind these are LA women), most of them are blond, toned and fit. I looked at the teacher; a beautiful black male dancer in his late 40's, flamboyant and fabulous. He was telling one of his slightly crude yet hilarious jokes and we all laughed. Suddenly I caught a glimpse of myself: finally fit again, blond (with dark roots), laughing at fabulous gay Marvin's jokes, and there it was- I am now a middle aged lady. Whats even weirder? I friggen love it!
I love that I am finally in shape and actually know what I should be eating and wearing instead of trying the latest trends. I love that at 35 I have pretty much figured out how to wear my hair, and that if I pee when I laugh I don't really care. What I really love is that I don't have to try and be cool anymore, I'm just me. I have arrived at middle age and guess what? Its rad. I can see the stereotype of the fabulous gay teacher at the gym teaching all the middle aged moms, but whatever. I love Marvin, I love his crude jokes, I love how when he teaches us how to tone our butts he says things like "just think of George Clooney ladies as you raise those glutes, are you ready for George to stare at your ass?".
That's the thing about being a middle aged lady, you don't care anymore about who's watching or how cute you look while doing whatever it is you have to do. I'm married, I have a son, I don't have to be the cute young thing in the room anymore, the pressure is gone and it feels great.
Lets be clear: my vanity isn't gone- lets not get crazy. I still need to look good, but see that's also a part of the middle aged lady club-we care about our appearance we just don't care what you think about our appearance, and that's where the liberation begins. I know exactly what angle I look best in photos, where to place my fat upper arms so they don't look like marshmallows. I know how to tilt my head so my chin doesn't disappear into my neck, and when I walk into a room I don't have to be the hottest thing in it, because I'm not 22 and everyone knows it, and its ok with me.
This new found freedom has had a great effect on my life. I am now able to do a great many things I wasn't able to do before: like talk to people I used to get nervous around. I'm also lucky enough to have my career, so its not like I need to impress anyone there either, I can just be free to be me. I'm not the young- just- out- of- college -woman trying to climb the latter anymore, I'm fine with where I am at.
What it all boils down to is this:
I really don't give a flying fuck. If you don't think I'm thin enough, pretty enough, smart enough or funny enough- it doesn't matter. I'm a middle aged lady, and the thing that us middle aged ladies know the best is: time flies, and most likely we'll forget what it was we were supposed to be upset about because who can even remember a half hour ago and who the hell cares anyway?
