Chaos

When you have kids Chaos is just part of the norm. It's taken me a long time to get used to it. Now I'm working on the next level, enjoying it. It seems almost insane to say that I'm trying to enjoy Chaos, because it's like saying you want to enjoy a tornado, but for me this is something I know I have in me to do. I know there is an adventuresome spirit inside me that loves the craziness of a full life. The problem is my life is so full, it's spilling over the edges. For example yesterday morning: Husband was in the bedroom doing a work out video. The bedroom door was open and he was also periodically running throughout the house to use a pull up bar he had attached to the kitchen door frame, as well as a chair he was using in the hallway (don't ask). This video lasted for an hour and a half. We would occasionally see sweaty Husband bypass us in the hallway grunting while doing push ups or hanging from the kitchen doorway doing pull ups. While this was happening 3 year old was crawling around on hands and knees with a dog toy in his mouth pretending to be a puppy. Simultaneously to all this, our actual 80 pound puppy is running back and forth from the back patio into the house with a gallop and speed of a dressage horse. I do my rounds while I tidy up, checking on all the males in my home in their personal realms of Chaos when I realize that the dog has not only found the neighbors doormat to shred into pieces, but has also pushed their front door open and is about to wander inside when I catch him. This is the type of Chaos I'm talking about. 

Now something I've realized in this learning process is that it never lasts too long. My tolerance is still not high enough yet to outlast the Chaos, but I'm working on it. Knowing when to hold em, fold em, or walk away has been optimal to the learning process. It all kind of comes in waves, and if you can just hang on, eventually you will be lifted up and out to dry land. Like right now for instance; I'm happily typing away on our new lap top, while the dog is laying in a sunny spot on the patio, 3 year old is in his room playing by himself and Husband is doing laundry. So there is beauty in all of this, it's just about having the patience to get there. Phew, and I'll tell ya-I'm not sure I'm gonna make it, but at least I'm trying.

Demon spawn

Last night around 2:30am I dreamt that a door was opening and closing, opening and closing. There was this never ending cycle, a relentless opening and closing of a single door. I've been going through some major transitions in my life-new job beginning in a week from now, old job ending. A new life starting after 8 years. These types of dreams are pretty normal for me. My brain is very Freudian and obvious in most ways. When I graduated high school I dreamt every night for a month that my teeth were falling out. 

I was awakened from this opening and closing door dream to the sound of Husband exclaiming: "What the hell?!" I suddenly realized that the opening and closing of a door was not a dream, but was coming from the house, our house, inside our house. Husband got up to investigate. I figured if someone should be killed by a murderer opening and slamming a door, it was best that it was Husband and not me. 

It turned out to be our 3 year old. He had left his bedroom for the first time in the middle of the night! He is a baby no more. It's been a while since we changed him over from his crib to his big boy bed. It's also been a while since we took the fancy door handle that he couldn't open from inside his room off, and yet this was the first time he felt the need to leave his room in the middle of the night to explore the nocturnal world. Why now we wondered? His first adventure in this new world consisted of standing outside his bedroom, opening and slamming his bedroom door. It all felt very confusing at the time. Husband suspects that after 3 year old decided to leave his room that he wanted to be tidy about it, so he promptly shut the door after himself. Unfortunately the door to his bedroom doesn't always shut properly, so Husband figures he was slamming it over and over trying to get it to latch. 

In my 2am stupor I came to the the private conclusion that 3 year old was probably possessed by some ghost devil in our house like one of those creepy children from a horror movie. The movie you tell yourself not to watch, and then when you do, it sticks with you for the rest of your life and you can never quite look at twins the same way with out grimacing. You see, I am terrified of 3 year leaving his room at night. Not because I am worried that my baby will get hurt exploring the house alone without being supervised, but because the thought of stumbling upon a 2 and half foot tall person in the hallway when I am trying to find my way to pee in the dark seems horrifying to me for some reason. Chalk it up to too many scary movies I suppose.

When I ask Husband what 3 year wanted he simply said: "he wanted milk". What? Was he going to get it himself? Was he on his way to come get us? We will never know. As Husband climbed back into bed at the wee hours of the morning he sighed " and thus it begins..." I couldn't help but wonder if he meant a ritual haunting of our house and that we should probably busy ourselves hooking up prison style cameras in every room, or the fact that this was probably the beginning of 3 year old entering our room while we slept to demand various liquids to drink at odd hours.

25 things

I learned about myself in recent years:

1. I like rules, even as a young punk rock girl I struggled with the concept of anarchy, it never sat well with me.

2. I like things to be neat and tidy-This is a sticking point between me and Husband because he is a neat freak and I am not, but I still really truly do like for things to be organized!

3. I'm an introvert. This explains a lot about my life, and I wish I had known this personality type had a name, and what that name really meant years and years ago.

4. I like that I am different then most people-it's been a long road of acceptance, but I came to the end of it and really relished what I found.

5. I love gossip and I'm OK with that.

6. I'm high maintenance, which to me means: I know what I want.

7. I can chose what I like quickly. Unlike most people I have a gift for seeing what I like instantly and feeling confident that it is the right choice for me.

8. I love eating and will always love eating, and will forever have to watch what I eat because I love eating so much!

9. I really enjoy TV. In maybe an unhealthy way, and I'm also OK with that. I probably wouldn't make it without cable TV, and I don't ever ever want to try.

10. I LOVE to cook and I'm good at it, mostly because I can follow instructions (recipes) well.

11. I'm an athlete. If you had told me this in college, I would have laughed.

12. It will never get easier for me to be a parent. I will always worry my face off every day.

13. I like diets and exercise just as much as I hate them. I'm a little bit of a masochist like that.

14. I dislike change in a deep gut churning kind of way, but I'm able to get over it.

15. I'm good at being a wife, I never expected this, but it naturally suits me.

16. I have an uncanny ability of remembering what clothes people wore. Like an idiot savant I can tell you what everyone in my office was wearing yesterday in detail. It wasn't until recently that I realized other people can't do this.

17. I like to teach people, just about whatever stuff I know that they seem interested in learning.

18. I have really bad posture, I'm working on it.

19. I'm not awesome when I am not familiar in a situation. This is another fun trait of being an introvert.

20. I really like when I am the best at stuff.

21. I love routine and feel in my prime when I have steady solid routines in my life.

22. It takes me a long time to trust and love, I don't give my heart away... unless you're Ryan Gosling, and in that case- TAKE IT, NOW!

23. I'm not as vain as I used to be, but I will always be a Diva.

24. I'm not as cool as I used to be, and I'm growing to accept this. As long as I'm not wearing Mom jeans I feel like it's gonna be alright.

25. The older I get, the less I want to live in a big city.

Best friends

This weekend we had a play date with Three Year Olds best friend. This will be the second play date for the boys outside of school, but the first one where both couples were all together. Husband didn't attend our park play date.

The first time I got together with Best Friends Parents I realized the potential, this could be awesome if it worked out. This time we met at their house on Saturday night for dinner and drinks. It turned out to be even better then anticipated. Here is why:
1. I have heard through numerous sources that liking your child's friends parents is very rare. You aren't choosing these people, your child is, and the chances of getting along and having things in common besides the fact that your children are friends are slim.
2. Finding any couple, let alone a couple that actually have children within the same age, that both you and your Husband like equally is an uncommon find. Most the time you start with your friends, or Husbands friends and then get stuck with the spouse. The spouse may even be great, but not necessarily someone that your spouse would choose to hang out with.
3. Meeting people with a child that your child likes and wants to play with, and runs off to be with whether or not you are there- also an amazing find. Having the relationship where you have to talk your kid into it, doesn't make for a lot of Mommy fun time.

We had hit the jackpot! It's hard to explain the sheer amazement that both Husband and I had after our evening. We both had so much fun, were so comfortable, and it was obvious Three Year Old was having a blast- we couldn't believe it! There was no spouse putting on a brave face to hang with the other spouse. There was no grin and bare it attitude for Moma, Dad or Child! In some ways this couple was like our doppelganger: their careers, goals in life, past experiences- it was eerie. Music, movies, politics, religion? No problem. Each topic that came up, we were in agreement on. They even had a crazy dog like ours, it was spooky! It was like we had finally hit the lottery. The other interesting fact; because neither me or Husband had chosen these people, there was no friend baggage. No past histories, no favoritism, just pure getting to know you fun vibes. On the drive home as Husband and I exclaimed to each other in wonder on how well it had gone, we realized another great point- that they live in close proximity to our home! I said to Husband: "even if we had ever met a couple that we both would separately and together choose, who had a child the same age that liked each other, they would probably live in another state and we would never see them!" We couldn't get over our good luck.

Needless to say, we had a great time and can't wait to hang out again. I'm just hoping we don't find out later that they do dog fighting in their back yard, or embezzle money from the elderly, cause right now its feeling almost too good to be true!

Diets

Well I'm dieting again. I let it go for as long as I could. I didn't really gain too much weight over the holidays, because somehow all the weight appeared in mid January- I'm not sure how that happens. It doesn't help that every other day something unusual happens that is trying to stop me from any sort of routine or normal life. Who am I kidding? Since I have met my Husband (10 years ago this year!) my life has never been dull. Life just gets in the way of normal I suppose.

I started tracking my calories on this app I have on my phone. Boy what an eye opener! I've done it before, but man I will tell you, it really drags you back to reality when you realize one silly little avocado blew all the calories you had left for anything remotely interesting to eat on the couch while watching TV later. I guess I needed the wake up call. When the scale starts to creep up, it's time to get in check with what type of food and what size portions you are doling out to yourself. When I was training for the Triathlon and working out a ton, it was OK to be more free form with my food when the occasion arose, but after the holidays and getting back up and running (excuse the pun) every little calorie counts.

Last night, like I said I ran out of calories because of said avocado at lunch and a mild work out that didn't burn too much. I was left stranded as I watched my nightly shows! IT WAS HORRIBLE. What is the point of laying on the couch with Puppy in the dark watching sitcoms if I can't eat my two cups of 140 calorie popcorn?! So you know what I did? I pouted and moped to Husband, who was eagerly (a little too eagerly if you ask me) eating his nightly treat of yogurt with fruit and granola. Me and Puppy stood over him staring while he ate his yogurt. "You get to eat that?" I said innocently. "You have enough calories left for that do you?" This was said a little more accusingly. "Yes" he said flatly, because of course knowing Husband who is also on a weight loss regime he planned it perfectly out throughout his day and had enough calories, probably more then enough, to enjoy his favorite treat while watching Jon Stewart before bed. Urch, Husband is so annoying. So you know what I did? I went to bed at 9:30pm. This would be before Husband (who has to get up at 4:45am) went to bed. I simply packed it up and went to sleep.You know why? Cause what else was I gonna do?