Teen Mom

Something huge happened this weekend, and I mean big, really big- try not to be jealous....I got carded at the Trader Joe's on Sunday while buying our weekly groceries with Baby and Husband.

It wasn't one of those 'we card everyone, so show us your ID even if your ninety' kind of cardings. This was "I'm sorry mam, but I really have to card you, you look young" kind of cardings. I of course levitated about two feet off the floor, got a huge grin on my face and sweetly said "of course you can!!! I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND!!!" a little too enthusiastically. Completely uncaring about the fact that I didn't actually have ID on me, and was using Husbands bank card to pay since my purse was in the car. Or how it kind of turned into a little bit of a hassle, since Baby was bored in line and Husband had been just about to step out to try and entertain baby with the fountain in the flower section when this all went down. Husband had to step in hand Baby over to me and pay for our groceries (and two bottles of wine). I was suddenly transported back to another time. I'm 35, I've been able to buy alcohol for many many years now, so it felt so strange to be in this place again. I flashed on my older boyfriend when I was in my early 20s and how I couldn't even go to his rock bands shows at bars cause I was too young to get in.

I also wondered what this alternate 20 year old (me) life looked like from the outside. There I was holding Baby and buying groceries with Husband. I knew why I got carded. To be honest I was wearing jeans, a T shirt and a hooded sweatshirt that a teenager would wear. I recently had my roots done, so my hair is platinum, my bangs are very short and I was wearing no make up at all. In all aspects I wasn't dressed much differently then when I actually used to be 20, which is not necessarily appropriate at age 35. I also tend to look younger on the weekends when I'm being a Mom because I spend the entire time rolling around the floor with Husband and Baby and can't wear anything that won't withstand food, snot, hairballs or a good wrestling match. I wondered about this alternate Me's life and what this Checker saw: there I was age 20 with a 16 month old Baby and a Husband buying me wine-would I still be in college? Or would having Baby have stopped all that? Would I be working at some dead end job at the mall now part time? This alternate me was really fascinating. I spent the entire car ride home pondering this other universe.

Of course when we entered the car I quickly exclaimed to Husband:

"Hello not quite 21 yet!! Did you hear that!!!! " To which he replied

"uh yeah I was the one who had to pay- how irritating was that? That Checker is so annoying, does she not see us in there every week?..."

"No no no, not important, focus! She thought I was 20!!!!!!"

"oh yea, and then that women ahead of us in line could you believe her? what was she thinking? I couldn't believe how long it took her to pay, it was taking forever..."

Clearly Husband was not understanding the gravity of this moment. I spent the rest of our afternoon wondering about alternate 20 year old me, what my life was like, who I would hang with out, what we did for fun.... and then suddenly I realized: Yuck, I don't want to be 20. It sounded awful.

By the time we got home I was really happy to be 35... but what I was really happy about was being 35 and looking like I was 20.

what goes around...

At the age of 35 I have reached that point in my career where I have come full circle in my small industry to see my past haunt me...why age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill in two stories.....

story #1

A long time ago I worked at my first job making those general mistakes one makes when one is young and stupid. Like wearing really short skirts and inappropriate outfits to work, acting annoyed when asked to do menial tasks, and dating the boss's 19 year old son.

At 24 I was recently broken up after a long term relationship and single for the first time. I made the poor decision of dating the VP of the companies borderline manic depressive, drug addicted, immature son. Not only was I working with him at the time, but he also still lived at home with the VP. To be fair, in my mind I wasn't technically dating him; I never considered him my boyfriend, and always felt free to do as I pleased, I cannot say the same was true for him. I did none the the less date him on and off for about 3 years without really openly admitting this to anyone, as far as I was concerned I was single. The VP was known to be a few things: flamboyant, irrational, emotional with a fierce temper. I personally never had a problem with VP myself and can honestly say I was always done right by. The VP not only had the son working there but also a daughter who was my age, as well as an ex- spouse. These are things that happen in my industry: inappropriate nepotism is common place.

Needless to say, my relationship with the son did not end well. It became a long winded emotional albatross for many months afterward. Although I had what I consider a wonderful phrase with the VP's son, I realize now that he was in many ways a stepping stone to who I am presently, he was never going to be the person I wanted to be with.

Here's what happens in a small industry: years later I would be married with child when I would become VP's daughters boss. At first this feels strange (there are more stories here that I'll have to go into at another time) but then the feeling passes as I realize she wants as little to do with me as I with her. She also happens to oddly be an excellent employee. She begins to date and become serious with a supervisor. This supervisor one day asks me if I would hire the VP's daughters parent-and no this is not a riddle, he actually asked me if I would hire VP...

supervisor: would you be opposed to working with VP again?

me: um,...well, not exactly...

What I wised I could say to supervisor, which I did not say, because I was busy being diplomatic and appropriate, was this:

"Are you fucking kidding me?! First off this person was the VP of the company I used to work for when I was a mere peon, and you are now asking me to hire this person as a peon with me as their boss?! Secondly you have just informed me that clearly this person is desperate for work which alone seems vastly private considering the fact of my history with this persons daughter whom I continue to work with.... and thirdly, oh yes lets not forget the most important part of this: I may or may not have had sex in this persons bed while they were on vacation, and lets not forget that when I broke up with this persons son he then threatened to kill himself.... so the answer here would have to be "no, I don't think I would consider working with VP again at this time".

What I did say was: "I'm not quite certain this will work out at this time, I would have to approach my boss with this question as we are not currently hiring for this position".

story #2

One day a new employee came into my office to be introduced to me. I had heard his name floating around that he was looking for a job. I had worked with him before and knew him to be a good employee. I hadn't seen or thought about him in years. When he walked into my office his face turned red as I stood up to shake his hand. Suddenly, I remembered that the last time I saw him was at his house where I had done a line of coke for the first time with him and some friends.

I flashed back to his dark apartment where he lived alone. I was there with Best Friend number 1 and two dudes we were hanging out with. God only knows why we were there. It was the first and last time I would be at his apartment. We had snorted a line after drinking beer all night at his house after work. The guys teaching me what to do, how to to use a dollar bill as a straw, how to use some water so my nose wouldn't dry out. I was wearing a short jean skirt that one of the guys kept jokingly lifting up like we were in lower school and then laughing. We went to a party afterward at this weird house with a giant art installation in the front yard shaped like a uterus. I used the bathroom high as balls wondering if the space was where the person lived or worked. I remember sitting on the toilet flummoxed by the question and trying to lean out the tiny bathroom and read the books stacked on the floor to figure out if someone actually lived in this space or merely used it as their personal art office.

"Don't forget all the cats" Best Friend number one reminds me when I retell her this story. "what cats ?" I ask "You don't remember how at his house we kept talking about how he had all these stray cats in his yard that were pissing all over the place? It was like the main topic of conversation the whole night".

I realize standing there in my office that this is why his face is red, because he is remembering this same night. We smile, and he laughs nervously and we shake hands as if we have never met before and then both awkwardly say at the same time "oh we used to work together". He then walks around my office and says "Wow, your office is really big and your hair is blonde?'" and I think to myself...' jesus christ I've come a long way...'