Last weekend I took Toddler to the park. He drove his little blue car while I pushed him along. Let me explain that I was also utterly exhausted and the only reason I took Toddler to the park to begin with was that I was hoping that the fresh air and the exercise might wake me up. Seeing that there is really is no other option then to be awake while Toddler is awake. It was one of those days where sweatpants and an incredibly large sweatshirt were the only clothes I could even consider putting on. Toddler and I had a nice time. He is still getting his legs used to walking, he often resembles and a drunken Frankenstein trying to traverse the land. He also seemed stumped as to why there were wood chips on the ground and kept picking the pieces of wood off his hands each time he fell down like: "how the hell did that get there?" He picked the wood chips off his palms flummoxed each time it would happen again.
We went on the swings and down the slide, we even went face to face on the spring loaded duck and elephant chairs-mine apparently having a lot more "spring" in it due to the weight limit then his, as I bounded forward almost touching my ducks bill to the wood chipped ground as I rode the thing like a bear on a tricycle. We'd made our second circle around the playground when I noticed two kids playing with Toddlers car, which we had parked near the swings.
It was an older girl and her little brother. The girl was about 7 and the brother was probably about 5. The girl was pushing the brother in Toddlers car. It seemed harmless enough, Toddler and I were still playing and planned on doing another round on the slides. Then I noticed that sister was really pushing little brother pretty fast in the car and that I wasn't sure how long they would be staying inside the park the rate they were going in the thing. I collected Toddler and walked quickly over to them.
"Hey!" I said casually, holding Toddler on my hip, "that's our car, but you can play with it as long as you stay around here". They paused and stared at me with wide eyes, then continued to play. "Good" I thought "that went well, what a great example I am " I thought congratulating myself -"cheerful, diplomatic, generous even". Toddler and I then went over to the swings, to be close to the car, yet with a safe 'trusting' distance. As I pushed Toddler on the swing I noticed that even with his mild temperament he seemed to be very distracted that the kids were playing with his car. I figured "its probably time to go anyway' we should wrap it up".
"hey guys" I called over cheerfully. "its time for us to go now!". The kids continued to play. I walked closer, maybe they didn't hear me "OK!" I said a little louder, "its time for us to go now! We need our car!" I smiled with a cheerfulness I wasn't quite feeling. They stopped their game and looked at me, both smiling as they stood on the other side of a concrete picnic table. The boys legs crunched up into the car, the girl with her hands on the handle. I stepped closer to them, Toddler on my hip. The girl smiled at me manically and pushed Little brother to the opposite side of the table. I tried going the other way toward them and she went the opposite way smiling at me the whole time. I tried again thinking this couldn't be happening, she wasn't deliberately going the opposite way? I tried again and her smile grew as she moved away from me like some Laurel and Hardy movie. We went back and forth around this table, each time I stepped one way she would step the other way, grinning like some demented clown. "It's time for us to go, we need our car back! " I said loudly, this time hearing the desperation in my voice. This kid had me by the balls and she knew it. I couldn't chase them, not only would it be ridiculous, but I was carrying Toddler who weighs a solid 30 pounds. Upon hearing me ask for the third time if I could get the car back, the brother and sister jerks laughed and kept playing. I wanted to scream, but I realized that wasn't gonna help my cause of looking like a moron. I stopped in my tracks realizing quickly that this was a game for them and by going around this table- they were winning. The girl stopped on the other side mirroring me, tilted her head and then smiled a wide grin. I paused for a long moment considering my options, I had to out smart them if I wanted to get Toddlers car back. Suddenly it hit me: "where's your Mother?" I said loudly in my deepest voice. "Is that her over there?" I pointed to a group of women in the distance. suddenly the boys face went serious, clearly the jig was up. He looked up at the sister waiting for her next move. "No" the girl said grinning, "she's over there" and pointed to a woman standing by a cart. "OK" I said knowingly. "Maybe I'll have to go talk to her". The boy looked up at his sister alarmed. I seized my moment as they paused in fear, to attack. I quickly walked over to them and grabbed the handle of the car with my free hand. The boy immediately got out of the car not wanting to push his luck any further. I held fast onto the handle trying to balance Toddler and negotiate him into the seat. Toddler looked at the kids with an innocent smile of excitement, like here was his chance to get to play with them. I had a good grip on the car when the girl jumped back into the seat pushing past Toddler saying loudly "My turn!". I blocked her, with a death grip on the car handle with one hand and Toddler now hanging like a sack under the other arm, I held fast filled with rage and determination. I stopped myself from throat punching this kid as I said in my deepest dog training voice "IT IS NOT YOUR TURN, IT IS TIME TO GOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!". I plopped smiling Toddler into the seat and took off in anger down the street.
Here's the thing-kids are rotten, most of em genuinely are. I have known this fact since I was a kid myself, but Toddler has instilled in me over the last year a love and kindness toward all children that I never had before. I now cry at those sappy commercials that have kids or puppies, because in each child I now see my sons sweet little face. Not these kids though- I have never wanted to clock a kid as much as I wanted to clock that girl as she smiled at me with each step she took away with my sons car.
Never again will I be the pushover at the park, who assumes all kids are as sweet as my kid. I now rightly know that they are all assholes.
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