Waldorf

So today lets discuss Waldorf. I have a long history with it since I went to a Waldorf school starting from Kindergarten to 12th grade. I have gone through several fazes with Waldorf starting at an early age of how I felt about it. When you are immersed in something, its hard to have perspective and so my feelings have changed over the years.

When I was really young in grade school I didn't even know there was really anything different then Waldorf. Public school was a foreign entity to me. I was very lucky that my parents could afford the school, and felt it very important to keep me there.

As I got older starting to hit puberty, kids from outside the school who decided to come to Waldorf with their public school ways, were hard for me to relate to. They were clearly different. It was as if we had been raised in a village and here were these outsides infiltrating our small town. I found them curious and immediately didn't like them, without giving them a chance.

Once I hit high school, I looked forward to meeting others and craved outsiders. I felt trapped and wanted to see more of the world. Kids who hadn't grown up in Waldorf brought with them mysteries and a different history then mine, they seemed interesting and exotic . As a teenager I thought Waldorf was very hippy and it started to rub me the wrong way, like a religious cult. It felt stifling and small minded. I felt that they didn't get me. Which looking back is funny, because at the time I changed my hair color regularly from all shades of the rainbow, and not once did a teacher or faculty member critique me for this. In fact they complimented me and praised my uniqueness and fashion sense, marveling at me.

After high school as a young adult, I also looked at Waldorf down my nose as silliness and rhetoric. It felt old fashioned and childish. I wanted a fresh start in a new world away from that small town. I wanted to see what else the world had to offer and anything completely un-Waldorf fascinated and enchanted me.

In my late 20's I looked at it with nostalgia. It became a joy for me, like a quaint dollhouse from my childhood. I felt it to be so sweet and endearing. It was fun and magical. I felt proud of my history and past with this type of school. It had made me different then other adults I had encountered, and this difference was a good thing.

At age 32 one of my long term Waldorf friendships ended in betrayal and I shut out all the rest of my childhood friends, not wanting to deal with my history anymore. I wondered if such a small school bred incestuous relationships that worked as a double edged sword against its inhabitants. I started to doubt my feelings about my friends and education wondering if maybe being that secluded had isolated me, and created boundary issues amongst me and my friends.

At age 34 I brought my 1 year old and husband to the Elves fair today at the Waldorf school near my house and fell in love. The place is filled with parents that look like me and my husband. For lack of a better word- stylish hippies. It feels like home to me with its gnomes and children dressed as fairies running around. Each moment brought me glee: From buying handcrafted wooden toys for my son, to sitting on a hay bail to eat a crape listening to a high school student singer/song writer play her acoustic guitar under a colorful tent.

So my Waldorf life has come full circle. I am sure there is some Steiner wisdom I unwittingly am proving to be true, but honestly it just feesl right. I realize that I crave community. I get friendship and camaraderie at my work place. I am lucky enough to work at a place where I am surrounded by like minded people. However, what I am lacking is other parents like Husband and myself who have children. My closet friends are far behind me in this way and although they love Baby, they don't live the life that Husband and I do. Waldorf feels like home to me. It feels like a welcoming place that once Baby is old enough we will be able to join and meet others like ourselves: working parents with a sense of art and community that want to give back and be responsible to our surroundings. I can't wait. Luckily Husband seems to like the scene too and enjoys all the weirdos walking around in capes that come with it.

Its makes me look forward to my future and what that will bring. I don't need to look back at my past to know where I came from- I can see it in the glimmer of my sons future and it makes me smile.