Thanks

Today I started thinking about past Thanksgivings. Something I like to do during the Holidays is a little 'remember when' kind of a game...so I started thinking about my most memorable Thanksgivings over the years...

Thanksgiving with my parents as a child was usually the same every year, so they blur together, but what I liked most about them was that they were always fun and silly. It was only ever just the three of us. Both of my parents had left their home towns creating a new life for themselves in California, and for the most part never looked back. We were still in touch with both sides of the family, but it didn't really include the holidays, no more then a phone call was ever expected. My dads side of the family was all in England, so thanksgiving wasn't much of a holiday tradition for him, and so my parents created their own holidays with me. It usually involved something unusual and fun. Although we always had a big meal on the day of thanksgiving and sat down together to eat, it was never at noon and it was not often Turkey. Sometimes it was lobster or whatever spacial entree my parents were in the mood for that year. We had our own family traditions, but it never really involved praying at the dinner table or jello salads. A few things were for certain: there was always music playing and often me and my Dad would dance around, there was wine or beer for my Dad, fancy outfits for all three of us, and my mom did all the cooking. it was simple and we always had fun. I didn't really know there was any ting different until I got older and saw how other people experienced the Holiday.

As a young adult I took the opportunity one Thanksgiving to traveling to Oregon to visit my friend. His father had died earlier that year and I knew with how nontraditional his family was that I wanted to go there to be with him during the Holiday. weather he was used to celebrating it or not. So me and best friend went to Oregon, just to two of us to visit our childhood friend. I was about 19 at the time so being away from my family for a Holiday was kind of a big deal, although you would never know from how my parents reacted. They were always good about giving me my freedom. It felt like a grown up choice to go and visit my childhood Friend in this way, to be assertive about this decision. At the time we were all in college, and our fried was living in a house with his brother and another guy- it was very much a stereo typical college dude house: not very much furniture, a kitchen filled with beer cans, and unexplainable carpet stains. We spent the majority of our time throwing pennies into a can across the room and drinking beer. One day we left the house for a coupe hours to go on a hike in the forest, another day we went into town to the local coffee house for lunch, and that was about it. we slept in our friends tiny bedroom. I got the low single bed and best friend slept on the floor and childhood Friend sleep in the middle of the floor between us. we would go to bed late talking til dawn in the dark each night and making each other laugh. We would sleep most of the day, eat breakfast in the afternoon and begin our drinking games again. We would wrestle around the house, running and throwing things at each other like children and then lounge about watching TV. On Thanksgiving day we decided that we should celebrate somehow, so we went to childhood friends dads apartment which they still had, and was the same since his death. we bought Turkey lunch meat, dinner rolls, cranberry jelly in a can, and powered mash potatoes. we made our Thanksgiving dinner and ate at the the dining room table. Although we never discussed why we had come for this visit we did go around the table and say what we were most thankful for, it turns out we were each greatful for our health and our friends. That trip made me feel very grown up since I had made the decision to spend the Holiday with friends instead of my family. At the same time it was clear to me that we were in no way grown up at all, but merely trying to replicate what we thought grown ups were. It was a good Thanksgiving and I will always remember it with fondness.

Another memorable thanksgiving was the first I spent with Husband. we were barely together but spent the holidays together none the less. He went with me to my God parents house. We had so much fun talking and laughing with the guests. I turned the corner into the living room and found Husband sitting by the fire place hanging out with one of the uncles small children who had severe autism. Husband was surrounded by the child's family watching him in awe as Husband squeezed a woopy cushion over and over again making the child laugh with glee. "He never laughs" they said. I was in awe myself, seeing this side of Husband. I knew him as the boy upstairs living with two other dudes. All I ever knew the three of them to do was drink, watch sports, and work. To see Husband in this light was eye opening for me in many ways. Later that night we went back to his house where the dudes had made their own Thanksgiving and had invited friends over. We ate a second meal and drank bottles of two buck chuck. we both woke up at 3am with splitting headaches vowing to never drink two buck chuck again. It was a wonderful thanksgiving for me.

My last Thanksgiving was not on my list of favorites, although it was memorable. Baby had just been born 18 days before. Although both Husband and i were on leave from work and started to get a routine down, we were exhausted. we are perfectionists and thinking we had it all perfect and yet knowing we really had no idea what were were doing at all added tons of stress and pressure to our daily lives with a newborn. only getting 3 to 4 hours of sleep at a time didn't help matters much either. The day before Thanksgiving on the drive home from seeing a friend who was visiting from out of town, Baby started to scream. It was way past the time he was supposed to eat and we were stuck in the car in traffic. Neither Husband or I had eaten anything ourselves in hours. It was the night before thanksgiving and where friend was staying they were in the deep midst of preparing tomorrows feast and were not concerned at all with what we were going to eat at that particular moment. I was beyond exhausted. still trying to breast feed unsuccessfully and pumping every two hours had worn me thin, I was tired in a way I didn't know was even possible. Husband had had a few drinks with our out of town friend and left me to care for Baby while he threw back beers and chatted happily. By the time I couldn't take it any more I was exhausted, fed up, and starving- it was way to late to salvage any thread of calm. We argued the entire long drive home from Santa Monica to the east side of the valley. I still remember it as the longest ride of my life. The next day proved to be no better. We were supposed to go back to God parents house, but the arguing had begun again and the thought of even seeing a soul that day exhausted me to to no end. we decided at the 11th hour to stay home- with nothing prepared. we had no food in the house for a dinner. If I remember correctly Husband made left over frozen chicken and whatever canned vegetable he could find in the cabinets and we called it a night. it may have been the worst thanksgiving of my life.

This year, with a year of Baby under my belt and a new house, I decided that I wanted to cook. Husband who is the real cook in the family offered to help me. Fixing dinner together sounds fun to me and I am really looking forward to it. I never have the time to cook in my every day life with working so late every night, so this will be a real treat for me.We have no guests coming so there is no pressure to make anything particularly good. if it gets cooked and makes it to the table, I will consider that a success! Wish me luck.

Happy Thanksgiving!